Friday Letters

I've seen a few other bloggers who do this on Fridays and I love the concept so I'm starting my own "Friday Letters" feature today.

Dear Shannon - Please tell your friend how much I love my peace tee!  It's adorable and I have already worn it half a dozen times... I'm thinking this will be a new go-to-gift!

Dear Gram - I think about you every day and I miss you so much!  There are so many exciting things going on in my life right now, from my awesome job to being in the {very} beginning stages of wedding planning, I wish I could share them with you.  I wish you could have met Rob and that he could have known you... I think you'd love each other.  <3

Dear Rob - You're my everything... I hope you know that.

Dear Quantum - Thank you for being the job I never knew was my dream.  Who knew I'd work in healthcare long term?  Six months in and the bibble still hasn't burst, I'm so blessed to be a part of your organization.

Dear Jimmy Johns - Today it took 50 minutes for my order to be delivered... not so freaky fast.

Dear Readers - Thanks for tuning in and have a GREAT weekend!!!

So What! Wednesday

We're linking up with Shannon again over at L.A.I.D.  Sure to stop over there and let us know what you're saying So What! to this week.

Here's what we're saying So What! to this week:

• Rob and I went to our first wedding expo last weekend.  No official engagement yet, but we have a date, it's a little over a year away.  We had a blast and got some great ideas!  **Hey brides, there was a woman at the expo who had all of her information printed out on stickers... every time she had to fill out a form, enter a raffle, etc. she just whipped out a sticker and slapped it on the form.  AMAZING... I am so doing that in the future!!!**
• I got some news from a few family members and it is stressing me out... not sure where to go from here.
• I feel really proud of myself even though I haven't stepped on a scale in a long time... I workout out 5 days last week and that feels AWESOME!
• Our house is *still* a disaster.  We have luggage from the beach that hasn't been unpacked.  I'm learning to enjoy life more and not stress about the house.  There are plenty of weekends for cleaning and it will get there.
•  I am OBSESSED with looking at our vacation pictures.  There are so many great ones and they make me so happy.
• I am contemplating a get together aka mini housewarming for this fall.  So much has changed in this house since I moved in and I'd like an excuse to show it off to friends and family... after we finish painting that is.

Have a great Wednesday!!!

Losing it!

Let me start this post by saying I really dislike Shannon right now.  For those of you who know her, I'm sure you're thinking, "Shannon??  Shannon Dew??  No way!  How could anyone dislike her?!?!".  Enter the 30 Day/300 Ab Challenge.  This. Challenge. Sucks.  I am not exaggerating.  I was showing Robb all of the awesome before and after pics from Shannon's link up party, and he thought we should do it.  I mean how hard can it be, right?  {So hard, it's soooooooo hard.}  We started tonight - perfect timing since we leave for the beach in, you guessed it, 30 days!!!  I took measurements and took a before pic of Robb {no before pic of this girlie... NO. WAY.} and we got on the ground and got started.  I wrote the list of exercises on a big piece of presentation paper, and we hung it on the TV so we could see it as we were working on it.  From what I've read in most people's posts, the whole thing takes them about 15 minutes.  48 minutes later {!} we were done and I was in tears.  We did not get through one set of anything without a break, my lower back {fat} was screaming and my heart was broken.

I cannot believe I let myself get to this point.  I haven't been what you would call skinny since I was 14, but I was still thin-ish all through high school {if only I'd felt that way then}.  I am currently at the heaviest I have ever been weighing in at a {devastating} 250 pounds.  {Note: I have typed and erased that last sentence about 15 times... but it's all about being real, so y'all get to know my real weight.}  I feel like I'm so far gone that I will never get to where I really want to be.  Five years ago I was on a great weight loss kick and was barely over 200 lbs {203 to be exact} the 100s were so close to being in sight, and I plateaued, lost motivation, and slowly started gaining.  I can only blame myself... in high school I was a cheerleader, danced 4 days a week, and was in the drama program.  After graduating I kept teaching at the dance studio for a few years, but not nearly at the level I had been dancing before, and just let the fitness level decline.  Pair that with an eating disorder {I truly think I'm a compulsive over-eater} and there you go.

As I have been battling with depression and finally getting that regulated with meds, I have found that I can control my eating a little better.  I don't tend to binge when I'm upset, and I can *usually* maintain decent portion control.  I still can't say no to desert, and I will never be able to pass on a good starch, but I'm making baby steps.  We also bought a treadmill {and I have even used it a few times, lol} so that's a goal to work into a daily routine... but for now it's the Ab Challenge.  I don't want to do it tomorrow.  I already told Robb that... he said it's okay, he'll help motivate me and he won't let me quit.  {He's so great.}  I promise to keep you posted on our progress.  Everyone says the first 4 days are the worst... I hope they're right.  I know I sound negative right now, and I do apologize for that.  I am proud of us for doing it, don't get me wrong.  I just have to forgive myself for letting everything go... and I think that's going to be a long process... and as for the challenge, only 29 days to go!

*believe always*

So What! Wednesday

It's time for another SWW link up with Shannon!  So sorry for the lack of posting... it's been a crazy transition with my promotion.  I have lots of posts *almost* done... will schedule them this weekend at the latest!

Here's what I'm saying So What! to this week...

• I still have clothes in my suitcase from our trip to Phoenix LAST MONTH.
• I got home from work last night and played WoW for 5 hours.
• I changed into my pj's right when I got home from work.
• I really miss Rob when he travels for work.
• I had a crappy end to my work day today and will be recovering with some Edy's.
• Our house is {still} a disaster.
• I sometimes let it stress me out that Rob and I aren't engaged yet.
• I'm using this post to plug my bff Lee's blog... he's interning for Martha Stewart in NYC and you can read all about his excitement HERE.  {ps, he totally passed Emeril in his building today}
• I love my new position so much that I'm really hoping it becomes permanent.
• I'm super psyched because I bought my domain name last night!
• I can't type psyched without hearing the cheer in my head {p-s-y-c-h-e-d psyched it what we wanna be, get psyched yeah yeah get psyched} oh the days of jr. high cheerleading.

What are you saying So What! to this week?  Link up at L.A.I.D. and let us know!



*believe always*

So What! Wednesday

I have followed the lovely Shannon Dew's blog for a long time and I love her So What! Wednesdays!  I decided it's high time I link up to her SWW posts and have a little fun of my own. :)

Here's what I'm saying So What! to this week...

• Sone people at work think I'm too new for the recent promotion I received, I'm going to rock it.
• Rob and I were at the lego store last weekend and I actually said, "I wish they made World of Warcraft legos."
• I'm taking 2 vacations this year {thanks for getting married in Phoenix, Steve!}.  I read in a magazine that women who take more than one vacation a year suffer from less depression and have greater relationship satisfaction, so there!
• Rob and I have started making a guest list for our wedding without an official engagement yet... it's our life and we know it's coming... how else are we going to figure out a budget?
• My power went out last weekend in the middle of baking 9 dozen cupcakes for a graduation party... I improvised and did my best and the end result was beautiful.
• I'm using this same post on my other blog {bonbon by jenndi}, that's my baking/business blog, and this is my personal blog, but the two meet in the middle from time to time.
• I just spent another $100 at ErinCondren.com, I have a new position and needed a few {adorable} things to keep myself organized at work.
• I'm getting back to my roots - literally!  In 5.5 weeks I'll be blonde again just in time for the beach!

What are you saying so what to this week?  Link up with Shannon and let the world know!

*Believe Always*

Nothing like a week of sunshine to cure the blues!

Well, maybe not cure, but definitely improve!  We just got back from our trip to Scottsdale, AZ for my cousin's wedding.  The trip was perfect, couldn't have been better {well, maybe, but only if it had been longer}.  We got in Thursday morning and left late yesterday afternoon.  It's sad to think that 24 hours ago I was still laying by the pool with a drink in my hand {don't judge... it was 5 o'clock somewhere}.  Seriously though, some R&R and family time was just what I needed.  Our resort {The Scottsdale Resort and Conference Center} was awesome... the place itself is gorgeous and the staff are all so friendly and helpful.  We would go back there in a heartbeat.  Rob and I ate at a few really amazing restaurants...   2 from Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, and one that was the fanciest place I have ever eaten {or maybe a tie with M in Columbus and the Eiffel Tower restaurant in Vegas}... when we walked to our table, they had matchbooks with our name embossed on them waiting at our place settings... I mean COME ON!  We also did some shopping in old town {got a fun southwestern feeling bead for my Pandora} and treated ourselves to a 90 minute couples hot stone massage {HEAVEN}.  All in all it was a great trip.  The wedding went flawlessly, even the happy couple agreed.  The ceremony itself was lovely {our uncle is a Priest so he performed the ceremony - so personal} and cocktail hour was fun, but the reception was to. die. for.  When we walked into the ballroom it LITERALLY took my breath away.  It was that moment from a movie... we walked in and I gasped... and Immediately told Rob, "This is what I want our reception to look like.".  The ballroom itself was massive with gorgeous chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, but the best part was that they draped soft fabric {maybe a tulle or something} over the doorways and made an aisle out of it... seriously, it was incredible.  The food was great and everyone seemed to have a great time.

*****

The day after the wedding there was a lovely brunch at the bride's parents' house.  I got to talk to a lot of my family that I don't usually get to talk to and even set up a lunch with my aunt and uncle and another uncle for later that day.  {Side-note:  because of some family drama that happened 8 years ago I rarely talk to them, but we're working on that.}  After our lunch {which was really more of a dinner} my aunt and Rob and I sat at a table at our resort and talked some things out - which was really great.  I used to be very close to this aunt and uncle and it's been hard to lose that relationship... I think I may slowly get it back though.  After our chat that aunt and uncle had to head for the airport and we followed my other uncle to his room to get their left over wine and beer {whoop whoop!}.  He walked us back to his room and we said our goodbyes.  He shook Rob's hand and then we stood awkwardly for a moment until I asked if I could hug him... he said yes and we hugged for the first time in 8 years.  Needless to say after he left the room I lost it and sobbed on Rob's shoulder for a minute.  It was the first time since the drama all started that I felt like maybe things could get better.  I think it's a far way off and I don't know if "normal" is even possible, but I am going to do everything I can to personally repair my relationship with them.  

*****

I read this in a magazine on the plane: "If you are depressed you are living in the past, if you are anxious you are living in the future, and if you are at peace you are living in the present."  I think that's somewhat accurate... I'm going to do my best to live in the present as much as possible.  With Rob, that is easier to do than it ever has been.  He makes every moment feel special and I am so incredibly in love with him.  I also read this: "Women who vacation more than once a year report lower rates of depression and greater relationship satisfaction." - you know what that means... let's get the countdown to the beach started... 50 days!!!

*Believe Always*

Feeling a little blue...

Today is a bad day... we all have them, those days when the alarm goes off and you continue to push snooze until the last possible minute, and then you still don't want to get out of bed.  I. just. feel. SAD.  {and I hate it}.  So, of course I do the first thing I think of... I make a list.  Why am I sad?  Why don't I have any energy?  Why am I not motivated?  Here's what I came up with:

• Our house is a disaster and its exhausting.  
• I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been and I do not like myself right now.  
• We leave for AZ in two weeks and I feel stressed about how much I want to get done before then.  
• I wanted to get the kitchen organized and it's still a disaster.
• I'm stressed about work, I feel like I have so many loose ends to tie up and no time to do that.
• I'm stressed about mine and Rob's relationship {there, I said it}.

What I want to do is lay in bed and cry all day {and maybe eat a big ice cream sundae}.  But here's what I'm going to do... Take the list one thing at a time and attack it... looking back, I can take control of all of these things in one way or another... the last point is a little fuzzy, but we'll get to that.

• Our house is a disaster and it's exhausting - so I'm going to start cleaning.
• I'm at the heaviest weight I've ever been - so I'm going to do C25K and day one of the 300 ab workout today.
• We leave for AZ in two weeks and I feel stressed about how much I want to get done before then - cleaning will help this.  I'm also going to start a list of things I want to pack.
• I wanted to get the kitchen organized and it's still a disaster - again, cleaning first.  The major organization will have to wait until after vacation, but that's okay.
• I'm stressed about work - I'm going to go in early and work late until everything is caught up and then keep things caught up.
• I'm stressed about mine and Rob's relationship - this will have to be a different post... I know we're fine... I just over analyze everything.

First things first, figure out what I want to accomplish today since I'm not going to work.

Here's my progress today... I took before pictures, but I am really embarrassed to post them... just know it was A LOT of work.

Family Room: Done

I will continue this post and my progress soon!!!